I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
