So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
