$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
