i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I cockslap morals
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
