We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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