maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
where are you?
Hypothermia
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
