Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
