I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
