Its about making memories worth repressing
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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