I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
