i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
