well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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