I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
