I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
