why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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