I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
