Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
