The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
