Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
