i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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