i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
