he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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