He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
