No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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