Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Randomize
