Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
