You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
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