I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
