You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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