i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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