He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
