are you still at the devil's house?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
