so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
