I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
