this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
