you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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