Dual....:-)
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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