It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Randomize
