did you get engaged???
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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