i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
