Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
