He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
did i walk over a car last night?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
