I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
