is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
