I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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