my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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