If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
