She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
