I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
where am i from again
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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