After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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