I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize