part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
