the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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