Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My penis needs a shock collar
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
