I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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