i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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