I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
We have started to decorate penises.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
