That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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