This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
