Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
