sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
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