That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
