he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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