i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
