You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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